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Mini Apples: Gas, Ass and Offerings - deserables [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Mini Apples: Gas, Ass and Offerings [Apr. 12th, 2005|07:57 pm]
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]
[Current Music |Mahalia Jackson, Motherless Child]

Oh Shit! Minneapolis -

Let me start from the ending - I knew we were leading up to something - finally Pink Merengue demanded a toilet. A Bunny slipped through the wheels of a Geo, and saucilly played dead by the side of the road. What seemed like minutes later, I was at home, enthroned and offering. I think Isle of Van took that as a cue. Way down in Wolseley, Ben moaned to himself about his plug. Back to the beginning:

We get up early in the morning. Unsuprisingly, I'm the only one in my bed, even though I had spent the whole night wondering who the chubby guy was farting and heavy breathing next to me. I woke him up, went to the WC and tried to shake out several glasses of wine that I thought would protect me from bad poetry and fatuous prose. I was pleased to see dozens of shrimp swimming about, proof that atleast my digestion is honest. We began driving past tim hortons - finally, we decided that we had reached the worst coffee possible and we each bought one. The border guard flirted mercilessly with Pink Merengue. Unfortunately, poor Hexx had slippy innards, and kept falling asleep on my lap. We went to a particularly awful looking resturant, and that old masochist The Hexx felt instinctually drawn to the garbage skillet - passing judiciously over Diareah Platter, Super Bowel and Urine and Lemon tarts and Crotch Cakes. Thank god he stuck with the Garbage, otherwise I wouldnt know what the neighborhood cat, roadkill and the lazy cooks fingers tasted like. Eventually we got to Mini Apples. Thank god we protested we get the smallest beds possible - American math is strange - I think they calculate double like farenheight. Anyhow, we walked around and took a look at the Missisippi. The token semi-american of the group, I shed a narciscistic tear, and then, victim to our Subject (see above) silently wondered how many flushes makes a missisippi. Minneapolis is fantastic - imagine detroit, vancouver and berlin together - the architecture is incredible - strangely adventurous for the midwest. Then we found shoes - everything else is a blur - but because of these shoes (see photos in Hexx and Pink Merengue) I understand the trip as a sucess. There was some shitting, eating and band watching after this, and lots of driving, but it is all incidental to the shoes. God they are beautiful.

Well, so, a big thank you to Hexx, our anemic trooper
Cheers to Isle of Van for catching her first glimpse of the real America
And a congrats to Pink Merengue for surviving through bad jokes and disgusting references.
The trip was wonderful, I love you guys - St. Louis next! Nelly!