deserables

Yo so short

2006-01-25T23:22:27Z

Ah, hell in a handbasket, a conservative government. I should have sent my vote in absentia for the natural law party, as usual. Imagine gassy buddists jumping around Ottawa, that would rule. Is Winnipeg still warm? It has been freezing here for the past week because of a frosty present from the russians. Everyone looks, a novelty, more uncomfortable than discomfited. Speaking of which, I'm sporadically dating a girl who said to me the other night: "you berd is so ugly, cut it off. I won't see you again until you cut it off." Earlier she said, "Yo so short, aren't you?" I'm a fucking giant dudes, a giant among men,and that is all ye need to know!

deserables @ 2005-10-05T13:50:00

2005-10-05T11:50:06Z

The Manchild
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDm)

Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.

Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic--and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you're passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.

Your exact opposite:
The Bachelor

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master

But we'd like you to consider not using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You've had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don't really have it together.

It's up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of women out there who do deserve you. But you've heard our advice.

If you stay...
ALWAYS AVOID: The Dirty Little Secret

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure.

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: deserables

Blog

2005-09-05T09:37:12Z

Hey Dudes! Greetings from Prague - I have a blog now at: http://studentscarveheartsoutofcoal.blogspot.com/ if anyone is interested (or has not already got the mass email from me). Well - I miss you guys! I'll post soon.

Cliffy Needs A Home!

2005-07-29T06:42:34Z

If anyone knows anyone in the Montreal area who wants a 7 year old Himalayan (sp.) who may well look like this? We need to find a home for "Cliffy"!

Of Angles and Angels

2005-06-08T17:39:26Z

A little love note to my friends in Winnipeg, who have drank, smoked, watched, walked, talked, listened and played much air bass with me, and, bless their hearts, have listened to me maul "I'm on Fire" on numerous occasions: you know who you are. So, a lamenting love note given to half-clothed lovers as they leave you (come back! I brush weekly now!), which is also the highest compliment given to fully-clothed friends you've left: I could never invent or duplicate you. You guys are wonderful! MEGA-FARGO 2007!!!! Dr. A.M. Bald hits America. Huzzah!

deserables @ 2005-05-18T11:00:00

2005-05-18T16:03:07Z

DVD's Owned: None
Last Film Bought: Spiderman for ex Girlfriends parents. A lot of good that got me. Fuck you Spidi! Before that, The Color of Paradise, bought circa 2000.
Last Film Watched: Werner Herzog's "A Heart of Glass". Hypnotized bavarians. Huzzah!
5 Fims I like to watch: Back to the Future (1 and 2), Beautiful Girls, Stolen Kisses, Nostalgia, A Girl is a Girl

I'm mostly a girl

2005-05-10T02:56:07Z

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

THE MINI MINI MINI APPLES!

2005-05-03T03:45:24Z

deserables @ 2005-05-02T22:34:00

2005-05-03T03:34:08Z

[IMG]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y194/deserables/008_8A.jpg[/IMG]

Mini Apples: Gas, Ass and Offerings

2005-04-13T01:17:06Z

Oh Shit! Minneapolis -

Let me start from the ending - I knew we were leading up to something - finally Pink Merengue demanded a toilet. A Bunny slipped through the wheels of a Geo, and saucilly played dead by the side of the road. What seemed like minutes later, I was at home, enthroned and offering. I think Isle of Van took that as a cue. Way down in Wolseley, Ben moaned to himself about his plug. Back to the beginning:

We get up early in the morning. Unsuprisingly, I'm the only one in my bed, even though I had spent the whole night wondering who the chubby guy was farting and heavy breathing next to me. I woke him up, went to the WC and tried to shake out several glasses of wine that I thought would protect me from bad poetry and fatuous prose. I was pleased to see dozens of shrimp swimming about, proof that atleast my digestion is honest. We began driving past tim hortons - finally, we decided that we had reached the worst coffee possible and we each bought one. The border guard flirted mercilessly with Pink Merengue. Unfortunately, poor Hexx had slippy innards, and kept falling asleep on my lap. We went to a particularly awful looking resturant, and that old masochist The Hexx felt instinctually drawn to the garbage skillet - passing judiciously over Diareah Platter, Super Bowel and Urine and Lemon tarts and Crotch Cakes. Thank god he stuck with the Garbage, otherwise I wouldnt know what the neighborhood cat, roadkill and the lazy cooks fingers tasted like. Eventually we got to Mini Apples. Thank god we protested we get the smallest beds possible - American math is strange - I think they calculate double like farenheight. Anyhow, we walked around and took a look at the Missisippi. The token semi-american of the group, I shed a narciscistic tear, and then, victim to our Subject (see above) silently wondered how many flushes makes a missisippi. Minneapolis is fantastic - imagine detroit, vancouver and berlin together - the architecture is incredible - strangely adventurous for the midwest. Then we found shoes - everything else is a blur - but because of these shoes (see photos in Hexx and Pink Merengue) I understand the trip as a sucess. There was some shitting, eating and band watching after this, and lots of driving, but it is all incidental to the shoes. God they are beautiful.

Well, so, a big thank you to Hexx, our anemic trooper
Cheers to Isle of Van for catching her first glimpse of the real America
And a congrats to Pink Merengue for surviving through bad jokes and disgusting references.
The trip was wonderful, I love you guys - St. Louis next! Nelly!

pukay

2005-03-21T12:08:03Z

Have you ever been like, 'well, white people, they are not really white, more like spanked pink, jaundiced yellow, sooty grey and roast beef brown' - here is where the real white people are - bled opaque like Kosher chickens. But seriously, you forget how hot heterogenity is until you leave for the Isles - everyone here is related, not like kissing cousin cool, more attack of the dreary clones. People here are like beguiled mini americans, heads penitentially bowed to thier 'mobiles', forever asking: wht r u up to tonit?' After several self-charming days of double-barrelled vomit in nottingham, after a couple nice days with aphotographofme, and now handsome as a recently slimed graveyard worm, I have slipped into Edinburgh to pay visit to F. dearest of fond memory, and have done much traipsing and eating of greasy, monocromatic food. Glad to be out of England, which is, basically, a soiled mini-golf course in Atlanta. Scotland on the other hand is like a blackened quarry in Yellowknife. Lots of stone. Everyone in black. Infernal grey. Mouth foam. Sincere, impatient digestion. Why dosent Urethre Herk move here? Restlessness pt. 2 would rule. 'Will you be my assasin?'. Instead of chips with dirty looking Vinegar they spray them with alluringly rancid brown sauce. But I'm loving it here.

Oh sweet, sweet pain

2005-01-30T16:54:57Z

True, both Van and the Hexx slyly stole off to Calgary's formidable gates, free drinks and manifold wrangler fed horsetoe, but could they have possibly eaten as much chip dip of a half-dozen varieties as I did? My stomach is the united nations of macbeth - shit, I will stave off on the Jews liver next time! It was a nice night but not the same - Van, Hexx and Hershie all truant, no scarves robbed of Christ and motherhood used for limbo, no Hexx in a snowbank surrounded by yellow crusts of frozen dog urine, mumbling "De na na ne nah ne nah ne nah" - but some things are similar: I'm covered with cat hair and I'm hungover like a mouldy towel in the bathhouses of Alexandria. I'm going to eat rocks for lunch.

ReGifting!

2005-01-29T17:48:15Z

Fuck Yeah! I hope everyone is ready to dance (mix tape madness!)! Please tell me everyone is going. I don't want it to be just me A.S., A.C. and a taxidermied peacock, like last night, shit! Party! P.S. Has anybody read Chekhov's "The Bride" - ostensibly about a young woman who discovers freedom through further education - but truly about a young man who inspired, become moribund and outdated and dies of TB. Is there any hope for me? Christ.

deserables @ 2005-01-29T02:41:00

2005-01-29T08:32:06Z

Well - I have been silly and presumptuous enough to book a ticket to Scotland for March - Chris will get me drunk for 2 days in London, my mother will make close reading of Freud worthwhile for three days in Nottingham and hopefully Faith will combine those elements, with the least of amount of undue distress, for the last 10 days! Shit - atleast I am not going to Norway - Shit. What lovely weather outside. Today felt almost tropical.

Seasons Greetings Fellow Geniuses

2004-12-06T07:10:58Z

I haven't posted on this thing for a while, but I wanted to express what a lovely fall it has been with my Winnipeg friends. It is nice to have an incredible, uncanny, induplicable bunch of smart, sweet, gossipy and none too bad looking English MAs to pass the shortening days with - and what a long, long, beautiful fall! I can't believe my luck - I cringe to imagine the gassy pompous fuckers I might have been stuck with elsewhere! Anyhow, all 4 of you who read this, have yourselves a wonderful holiday (I'm sure I will see atleast 2 thirds of you before I go anyhow) - P.M. please leave me your Montreal number, we will eat greasy shit and you can watch me make a fool of myself in French. A.P.O.M. let me not come back two two dozen recently adopted cats, unless they are de-furred. We will only have 2 days to perfect your (the English and Australians claim it is sexy, who figured?) Canadian accent, and we will get you plastered up in maple leaves. T.H. Wow, New Orleans in Feb. is going to be great, I'm glad you bought a nice car for it, for my part I'm getting your cats saddles, so that I can ride them to school. Thank you for Grove, he makes me convinced I must be a genius, I still owe you beer. I.O.V. Don't let me come back to find out that I have four roomates, 5 in september. I insist on being bastard-cousin to any erstwhile god-kids. I could teach S. Jr. how to bake Challah. All right all, take care, happy Hanumas, festivas and a good New Year.

NOSTALGIA

2004-10-07T06:50:14Z

Alright Friends,

Taking a departure from my usual cynicism - who came to Winnipeg (from St. James or whatever) only knowing some dude, artist or band? Do any of you remember The Bonaduces? Christ are they ever guiltily good! To continue this sentimental post, here are a couple lyrics that kept us teenaged calgarians machinated tongues in perpetual debt:

"I'm drowning in a curtain call that's aimed above my head, and my bow is just aquiencence to the arc of thier intent. Drafted as a stand-in because my cold and distant face is a dead ringer for the ghost who is still starring in the play every night...The city presses its face to the window in the night, and it flattens like a postcard to a pair of hollow eyes stuck inside". This winnipeg seemed a neurotic fancy! Look at this:
"Lugging our trash from the backyard to the front. The cuffs of our pants soak up the dew from grass thats never been cut. The lifeline we refined for years and years dismantled to thier component gears".

Dammit! I'm going 16 again! Shitswas Poenic!
Who wants to propose sets up a Lyric Symposium for non-existing songs?

deserables @ 2004-09-29T15:17:00

2004-09-29T20:41:33Z

Greetings Winnipeg,

Last ditch efforts at acquiring the grizzled gleam of proletarian chic have me shoveling pebbles, drilling holes and banging in boards, without having to resort to overly creasing my curderoy blazer or flailing the hora drunk on Maneshevitz at "Dance Down the Wall" in order to achieve some semblance of grit. Now, repressed and dirty minds off metaphorical connotations of said duties, I have spent two days below ground on Westminster (and at our Provincial(?) airport), occasionally passed by fall leaf accesorized sociology students skipping thier merry way to U. of W (who give me guilty smiles as I try and look as 'short and brutish' as possible) and more often harrased by pious looking middle aged ladies, who with some bygone pioneer spirit figure that because I have a shovel in my hand, I may as well clear away mud so that they can park thier wolseley sized vehicles (B.Siggymac: Volvo drag race down Walnut!). Anyhow, now that I'm both ripped and rich (paycheck for 7.25 hours pending) I will keep on the lookout for a Fort Garry street fight (hopefully formidably Arnason has my back) and will take to carrying ruffled and stained copies of "For Whom the Bell Tolls" in my back pocket. Well, does anyone want to come over for a pre-drink chez moi demain soir before we get foolish in front of our well-reimbursed tormentors?

deserables @ 2004-09-24T15:47:00

2004-09-24T20:47:43Z

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

These are the states I have been to. Piddly! Lets go Ben! You are going to need to get a bus!

BRING HURRICANE IVAN TO WINNIPEG!

2004-09-15T17:40:29Z

Is anyone else getting a little tired of benign, hyperbolic Manitoban flood warnings? I mean aside from washing up distant cousins, timbits and the assorted emphemera of digestion, the rising RED or ASS rivers carry with them little of lucrative note. Just imagine what a real hurricane would be like! We could drift a functioning transit system up here. Our gopher like professors will bury beaneath the ground in poorly made book filled bunkers, plastered with provacative pics of T.S Eliot and Katherine Parr Trail and we could TAKE OVER in rafts waiting for the freeze in late september! Lets get biblical! Think about it - if the aspers could import a communications empire to Winnipeg we could atleast get a decent storm, or an NHL team.

poppers!

2004-09-14T23:02:11Z

Greetings fair Winnipeg, and thank you for the dozen plus degrees you have shone upon us for the better part of this fair day, without rain or even locust. You havent quite managed to employ me, but the stack of books I deprived the U. Winnipeg library have me feeling like some sort of GENUIS, which is how, in the midst of verbose, intellectual sentences, we all agree to pronounce GENIUS. That way we can continue to seem (if not to look with a concerted hour of youthful smears and glosses) precocious, and perhaps even be accused of being covert CHILD GENUISES. Disarmingly handsome, interspacially vile wandering Jew that I am, I occasionally come upon the odd gem in city of ours. I encourage one and all to take a weak tea at POPPERS, wherein you can aquire said tea and an accompanying little, greasy speckled bag of popcorn and sit beneath a lovely half-nut dome, where you can seduce yourself with bygone halluncinations of the imigrant experience, or, of you are particularly talented, whistful, impressionable or drugged, imagine yourself a little europe, skirted women with long legs, well dressed men and cinematic seeming children straight from Truffaut. Laze back into your plastic chair and peel off a couple tasty wads of early 90's gum too quickly discarded. If after your sixth tea you manage to reduce conversation with the sprightly though glazy eyed man of 60 behind the counter to a series of incoherent, lusty provocations, then you can approach boggled looking Japanese tourists and give them wrong directions to the CN tower, hot springs or Stanley Park. In the meantime though, take yourself a seat - see you there!

Garden State

2004-09-13T05:02:18Z

Garden State

Well here it is. Though I have the feeling that all reservations root from some negligent incapacity on the part of complainant, I can't help but feel that Garden State managed to miss the point of affection when trying so earnestly to hit it. These are the following things that Reb. Licker would have removed from all film that deigns to be the least bit serious:

1 Soundtracking. Please do not build an accompanyment to a film as I watch it. Puportedly, a serious film is a universe that refers to exterior matter. Just as nothing within the film should be flagrantly tangental, no unnescesary sound should be marketed within.

2 Product Shots. You want to look silly? Put puportedly desirable objects in a film. How about an army mortorcycle with a buggy, a silly helmet, a polo shirt, adidas jacket and pants.

3 Dialogue. Dialogue can be improbable - we expect that from actors, but dialogue should not be bad, nor should screenwriters try to approximate colloquial speech in swears. It just sounds silly after a while. Actors should say what we would want to say, not probably, but convincingly.

4 Slow Shots. No more music video films! The next time I see a man walking decidedly in slow motion along to a pressing breakbeat I will vomit over the couple fondling one another in front of me!

5 Fast shots. Same goes. That shit is for nature films.

6 Role Reprisals. In Garden State we witness Portman part 2, the cutesy reprise of her beautiful girls role. Why not make young women, young women, instead of little girls?

7 Black people. Alright, it is 2004. We are going to have to find black people something else to do in bit parts in white films. Here we have a zooligical household complete with an african exchange student. RZA the bellhop and an overweight receptionist. If it is impossible to give black people significant roles in film, than thier roles need to atleast mirror white roles in terms of seriousness. Why is it continually impossible for filmakers to create a minor role black character in full? Why are small roles for black people either comedic or self-reflexively black?

That said, Zach Braff seemingly the love child of Cruise and Ritter, though certainly no great shakes as an actor, is suprisingly charming, as is, and I am even more reluctant to admit this, Natalie Portman. Also, the camera work was relatively good, the color fantastic, if occasionally cheezy. Now, that was my rambling and arcane movie review. Few of you have suffered through it and if you did it does not mean that I hate you.

deserables @ 2004-07-30T02:55:00

2004-07-29T19:08:37Z

Greetings Winnipeg, how goes it? Toronto is warm and sunny today not that I have enjoyed a whole hell of a lot of it, inside the house and all. I vying to become the most mundane e-jounalist on the net let me once again recount my recent movie and book offerings. I saw Varda's "Cleo a Neuf a Sept", which was total shit and good at the same time - I recomment it to anyone who still flogs the Freud (I do, good Jewish boy that I am) and buys into the perenial Scopophillia rage (of which my myopia results, reckless pervert that I am). Absolute euro trash, the kind of films that thinner Canadian will get around the producing like second rate Swedes, but facinating, cheap and beautiful nonetheless. I also finished Hugh Hood's "Around the Mountain" - which, though written by a devout Christian, immovable Canadian (ugh!) and family man is pretty damn good. A little moral is hidden in each story, at times too hidden for ne. At the time of his death H.H was at work on a 14 part (or 16?) Canadian epic, parts of which are reportedly goods. Sounds too long for me. I am also reading Mavis Gallants "Paris Journals" which is serving to poison me against the emotional frugality of the author. Oh give it up Mavis! Then, Montrealer that she is, feeds us a tidbit, and I have nothing to complain about. I went for a beer last night in Corktown at a usually dead bar uncharacteristically crowded with e-role (daters?) (terrorists?). Who are these people? Fill me in your readings, we may as well nerd out!

deserables @ 2004-07-27T14:50:00

2004-07-27T19:08:09Z

Life continues at the its breakneck pace: Waking up moments before noon I finished the second half of Truffaut's "The Last Metro". Fantastic, playful, thoughtful and superficial in that way that only the French now how to pull off unassumingly, the latest installment in this years Truffaut obsession is quite good. What particularly impresses me about Truffaut (Jules and Jim, The 400 Blows, Stolen Kisses) is the same thing that gets every other mean spirited viewer hot and bothered: his unfathomable niceness. Each film has people who do things for other people and who sometimes get in trouble because they want the same thing. What elsewhere would be a "liason dangereuse" (how is my spelling french speakers of Manitoba?)is in Truffaut an oportunity for wholly ironic sharing. Enough about that, though when I get back to Winny we will have to have a new wave night, dress up fine, smoke and drink heartily.
I hope that everyone has been nightbikeriding: having smoked, drank coffee, doubled, eaten various meals, carried on a conversations, even more arguments and the odd foiled attempt at seduction by bicycle my latest venture is to try and to take a nap on wheels! Which reminds me - 3 pm - time for my afternoon snooze. Life is hard. Flippy you are on my friends list now, stop your complaining.

The Bees

2004-07-26T23:54:42Z

Has anyone heard of The Bees? Look out for Free the Bees!

Starting

2004-07-24T18:36:37Z

hmm...I want to see if this works!